The video I made for my first online success course starts with a dialogue from Alice in Wonderlanda little conversation between Alicia and the Cheshire Cat that is very relevant when it comes to success as a point of arrival at a certain location.
Alice asks the cat to tell her which way to go, to which the cat replies that it depends on where she wants to go. Alice replies that she doesn’t care where she lands, to which the cat replies: “In this case, no matter where you go, you will always end up somewhere”.
Most of us are just like Alicia. Frequently We wonder where to go, but in reality we are not sure where we are going, so we end up taking the easiest route or the most traveled, wherever it takes us. This is the most common mistake people make when they are not clear about their own idea of success. We all want to be successful, who doesn’t.
We all want something that happened that we usually haven’t even thought about what that something is because we’re too busy solving our daily problems to stop and examine what we really want, where we’re going with this little random choices we make every moment that we’re not really aware of.
This acceptance of responsibility, which we don’t normally exercise, is often one of the reasons why we don’t get where we want to be., that place that everyone has in their subconscious, but they’ve never stopped defining… so surely they’ll never reach it. These small decisions that we unconsciously and constantly make are the ones that shape the path we walk and generally have no specific direction. Therefore, it is difficult for us to achieve what everyone defines as “success” in their mind. And here it is important to take responsibility for the concept of success that each of us has, even if not consciously.
For example, when we get angry with our boss at a certain moment ruined our dayit’s actually an unconscious choice we make bother us ourselves the day because nobody and nothing has this ability more than us. We are not stonethat receives a stimulus (water, wind) and has to be violently eroded.
We can choose our response to the stimuli we receive (from our boss, a scratch on the car, an argument with our partner, an illness, a dropped vase, or a bad raise), but we generally choose to “pled not guilty” and give that stimulus to the results Guilt: a bad day, a bad salary, a bad job, bad luck… The easy thing is to absolve yourself of all guilt and blame things on others, something outside of us “What Happens to Us”.
But this easy way Innocence has a price. This declaration of innocence, which we choose without knowing it, has one consequence: it means relinquishing command of our ship to a third party. This unconsciously chosen innocence is what defines us Puppets of circumstances or other people. If we don’t regain protagonism, we can consciously choose our response to it things that happen to uswe will not be able to achieve success because everything will depend on it the things that happen to usnot by us.
We will always blame something or someone for our unhappiness, problems, inconveniences… and so with our declaration of innocence we will constantly grant power over ourselves to all those outside agents who don’t really have it. But of course deep down we will feel good – that is the positive intention behind innocence – because we will free ourselves from all guilt:
“I failed the test” = “The result is not the result of my action but of the action of others or of circumstances and therefore I am innocent, what a relief.”
Instead of “I failed, I didn’t learn enough” = “I am responsible for the result and therefore decide what I do with this result.”.
Of course things happen that we cannot change. Of course, there are unchanging circumstances, contingencies and situations to which we cannot respond. They are what they are and they happen as they happen. It’s not about being thoughtless or irrational and not giving a damn. But on the contrary, It’s about examining the situation as it is and instead of whining, taking that conscious responsibility to choose our response to it: “What can I do with what I have, with what happened to me? It’s the only thing I have power over, over myself and my reaction to what happened to me.”.
I was diagnosed with cancer almost 5 years ago boundary line (of low malignant potential, although more dangerous than a benign tumor). I had two surgeries in a month and a half. There were several possible reactions on my part to something I couldn’t do anything about. I made a conscious choice not to complain, grieve, or worry. It was absurd for me to let something over which I had no power take over my life anyway. We all have this ability. it’s not about being more or less optimistic, more or less realistic, or more or less indifferent to things. It’s about being aware that you can choose your response to what you cannot change.
When I am not ready or willing to take responsibility, not only for the plan of action needed to achieve success or my goals, but also for my responses to all kinds of eventualities, i.e. taking responsibility for my life instead of continue to be a puppet in the hands of circumstances This attitude will always make me blame external factors for what is happening and eventually give up the effort.
I am aware that it is difficult to capture in a single post what it really means to take responsibility. In fact, in my Success Course, this subject takes up two classes totaling more than an hour (and that’s spoken, not written). However, I think there is a phrase that summarizes this topic well:
someone said that “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”.